It is so easy to get caught up in daydreams and fantasies about all sorts of things. In modern life, we tend to favor the world of the mental over the world of the real, and dissociate into our own little world up in our heads. This can lead to some outcomes that are less than favorable for our long term health, as well as preventing us from fully experiencing the world around us.There’s a thing we do that’s called “Maladaptive Daydreaming“, where basically our inner fantasies are so strong they can prevent us from interacting with and dealing with real world issues. For some people, those inner daydreams are about fantasy domination scenarios they’d really love to see come true.
Fantasy Domination vs Lifestyle Domination
One of the most common sorts of fantasies for people to get lost in are those about their idealized and perfected sex lives. It makes sense, because our sex lives are often both very important to us and also a little disappointing. So dreaming up perfect scenarios that tickle all our sexy buttons and make us feel better (however transiently that emotion lasts), is very common for most of us to do. The healthy way to deal with fantasies about sex is to talk about them with your partner or partners, and see what you can work together to bring into reality. Sadly, a lot of people don’t feel that they can bring their fantasies to their partners, for various reasons, and this can lead to a HUGE disconnect between the inner lives and outer realities of many people. Especially submissive men.
Fantasy domination scenarios that can’t or won’t be shared with your partners can become both a needed and welcome escape from a dreary existence and a painful reminder of what you don’t get to have in real life. That sucks so much, and leads to mental health issues and fractures in relationships. But, even if you do bring your fantasies to your partners, sometimes what you want isn’t feasible in real life. Sometimes your fantasies of domination and femdom humiliation just won’t be able to be realized.
Lifestyle Domination vs Fantasy Domination
Fantasies can be perfect, with literally everything you like best and none of the messy bits you hate. There’s no clean up in fantasies, no need to make a grocery list or order a new set of sex sheets, no checking that you have lube on hand, no ensuring all the rechargeable sex toys are charged up… No one gets a cramp in an unfortunate spot, and all your outfits are perfect and you look fabulous in them every time. You can walk in stilettos without falling on your ass, and deep throat a thousand cocks in fantasies. In lifestyle domination, there’s a whole lot of reality and its pesky limitations on time, energy, and supplies getting in the way.
Lifestyle domination also requires a very important component that your fantasy domination scenarios don’t. Communication. If you keep all your fantasies to yourself, you never have to speak those words out loud or admit to anyone that you want to be covered in canned beans and told you’re a farty princess slut in an epic three hour degradation scene. In real life, you have to say that, in words, out loud, where another person can hear you (and thus judge you, laugh at you, think less of you, decide to break up with you, abandon you, leave you all alone forever because you’re a freak with weird desires…) No wonder so many people never speak their desires out loud! It’s scary as fuck! But, consider this: you might admit what you want (“honey, I want to wear your panties while you spank me with a crop and then eat your pussy while you deny me an orgasm”) and then get it. You could get what you wanted. Your partner might agree. Maybe they’re super kinky and bit of a freak, too.
Communication About Sexual Fantasies
If anyone understands that talking about sex is hard, it’s me and the other Ladies here. Sex, sexuality, gender, gender expression, and those deeply repressed fantasies that make you go all light-headed are all very difficult to talk about! That’s what we’re here for. You know the part where you worry your partner will reject you for your fantasies? I guarantee we won’t do that. You can’t shock us, or make us recoil, or drive us to divorce you and leave you all alone just because you want to suck a cock. We’re safe to confess your desires and fantasies to, and we can even help you figure out how to bring those desires up with your partner in life. How to phrase things so you sound less unhinged, how to talk to them, and we can work through a role play so you can practice saying those things to your lifestyle partner.
You can choose to keep your fantasies about domination to yourself. Or you can try sharing them with your partner, or with your Mistress. Fantasies are always more fun when they’re shared, and maybe you can work towards bringing some of your fantasies into real life, too. Share your fantasies with me.
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Your Fantasy Domination Mistress, Harper
This was a fantastic blog, Mistress Harper!
Our imaginations are the only limitations we (Mistress & submissive) have when it comes to fantasy domination.
I love that you mention using roleplay as practice. Worst case scenario is that the submissive enjoys a fantasy domination scene. Best case scenario is that they enjoy this with their IRL partner too. Win/Win to me.
Exactly! It is a win/win scenario! They get to relieve a little of the pressure, and practice what they need to say at the same time. 😉
Communication is something i am trying to improve! It’s challenging to discuss with my lifestyle partner. i have lots of inner daydreams!
I know you have a rich inner life, and bringing that into your real life is a challenge, indeed! It’s one of the hardest things to do, to tell someone you love and care about that you have needs that have gone unmet…
Well, I clean up. I have not much choice do I? The desk, the plate, the floor…
And I have gotten leg cramps.
Ok, there is a lot here. One, isn’t there a middle ground here at LDW and outlets like it? The fantasies go beyond just living in our head BUT we are not quite sharing them with our partners, the flesh and blood people in our lives. Still, real people, just remotely. We are experiencing them physically.
Two, what about if those fantasies are lived out but not with the people in our lives? I am not talking about cheating I am talking about someone seeing a Mistress in person, visiting some local dungeon kind of thing BUT they don’t share that with the people in their ‘normal life’. It’s not quite their partner.
It is true some fantasies can’t or won’t be fully realized because, oh, I don’t know, having sex in a space module while weightless and entering the earths atmosphere is a little hard to come by. Yes. I have actually wondered what it would be like. And let’s face it, if my cum was floating around in mid air you would have me chasing it down and I would just because it would be a new way to eat my own cum.
Finally, actually living them out with our partners. Yes, it is very scary to bring it up especially the more kinky, out of the ‘norm’ or ‘unacceptable’ they are. Once you say it out loud you can’t take it back. We don’t have that little black pen device from Men In Black to make someone forget.
I would imagine being married and a ways down that road never having revealed it to you spouse would make it even harder to bring up.
Someone you are dating it would be a big oops, they might leave but there isn’t that longer term commitment already in place.
All I can say is one way would be to hint at it initially, nothing too specific. Let your partner hear little bits over time. Get used to it. Gage their reaction before going any further. Get some feel for where which side of the fence they would fall on.
That would most likely be better than just springing it on them all at once one day.
I am Mistress Harper’s Bitch.
There are indeed a lot of reasons why people might choose to not be open and clear with their partners from the beginning of their relationship. Choosing to be selective about who you share what with, and when, is important! I’d say that letting at least one person, somewhere, know the real you is pretty key for maintaining emotional and mental health. It’d be a hell of a thing to have all those desires that you never share with anyone, ever. What a cold and lonely life that would be.
I am in full agreement.
My life here is not cold and lonely, it is warm and sticky.
I am also too busy getting passed around here, so that is good! Well, sometimes I am getting dragged by the collar and thrown in front of another Ms. which is really great!
I am Mistress Harper’s Cum Slut!
And you’re such a good cum slut for me, too! ❤️