It surprises me how many men seeking a Mistress still think that “domination” has something to do with shouting abuse at the submissive. (Let me say here that if that’s your thing, if that’s what you enjoy, then carry on.) However, there’s far more to domination than that and actually I think that shouting implies a loss of control on the part of the dominant. Very rarely do I feel the need to raise my voice during a session, whether on the phone or in so-called real life. Dominance is implicit in the way I carry myself, the tone of my voice, the look in my eyes. I come from a long line of dominant women and I can’t remember any of them raising their voices. They knew how to get the results they wanted without that. My role models growing up were never subservient to men; that’s not to say they didn’t respect men or love men because they did. They were simply under no illusions about their own strength and men’s weaknesses.
No Blow Struck in Anger
Of course there are occasions during a session when I want my sub to think I’m angry with him. There are times when he warrants punishment. At such times I might briefly raise my voice in order to shock him, to frighten him, but really I’m just fucking with his mind. So much of a D/s session is theatrical, isn’t it? So much of it is ritual. Therefore, while I may beat my sub mercilessly, I never strike in anger. If I’m genuinely angry for some reason, then I won’t schedule a session that day and I certainly won’t take my anger out on my sub. That wouldn’t be nice, would it?
My style of dominance takes the form of a silken thread that will bind you to me before you even know what’s happening, rather than a sledgehammer over the head. That’s not to say there won’t be pain. Spiking pleasure with a little pain is exquisite and the gift of your submission means we both get to enjoy it. Because the whole Domme/sub thing is a dance, isn’t it? I dominate you, you willingly submit to me. Who really gets what they want? In the perfect D/s relationship we both do…
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